


golden

by thegoddamnhat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, I'm Sorry, M/M, Unrequited Love, this is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 14:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23107084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoddamnhat/pseuds/thegoddamnhat
Summary: He knew and loved Hinata Shouyou, but whether Shouyou loved him back...That was something he hadn't yet found the proper answer to. But he thought he knew.He thought Shouyou knew, too."You don't really like me, do you?"
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio (mentioned), Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	golden

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not even sure why i wrote this, to be honest. but i did. so here it is.  
please don't read this if you came here looking for cute atsuhina fluff; you'll just be really upset.

"Shouyou-kun?"

Shouyou's eyes, normally so bright and sharp, were clouded over, as if he were thinking of something distant and faraway, out of his reach.

"Hm?"

This remote look of his came over his face more often than one would expect from someone so lively, and very stealthily. He could be grinning one second, and gloomy the next, and no one would notice the transition.

It wouldn't be obvious to a stranger that Shouyou was longing for something, or, more accurately, someone. Atsumu wasn't a stranger, though. He knew. He knew and loved Hinata Shouyou, but whether Shouyou loved him back...

That was something he hadn't yet found the proper answer to. But he thought he knew.

He thought Shouyou knew, too.

"You don't really like me, do you?"

Slowly, Shouyou turned his head away from the devastatingly blue sea crashing onto the shore (Atsumu had thought it was a nice date spot), and looked at Atsumu, eyes widening.

"What?"

"You don't really like me, do you?" Atsumu repeated, something within him shattering at Shouyou's scared look, and dread slowly consuming him whole.

"Why... why are you saying that, Atsumu-san?" Shouyou said, face pale, tightening his hold on Atsumu's hand.

"Because..." Atsumu whispered, "because whenever we're together, you look like you're smiling, but your eyes... they're sad. Like..."

Shouyou's lips were trembling, and it seemed like he was trying not to cry. "Like what?"

"Like there's someone else you like, and you can't be with them. I hate that look, Shouyou-kun. I hate seeing you sad."

A tear slid down Shouyou's cheek, and then another. He was sobbing now, shaking all over.

Half of Atsumu wanted to pull him close, and wrap his arms around him, but he knew couldn't do that. Not anymore. Not after he'd said what he was really thinking.

He let go of Shouyou's hand, and felt like something that was essential to him had been forcefully taken away from him. Shouyou brought his empty hand up, trying to wipe away his tears, which weren't stopping.

"You're not going to tell me I'm wrong, are you?" Atsumu said, eyes stinging from the effort of trying not to cry, at least for Shouyou's sake. He could feel a painful ache spreading through his body. He had never wanted to scream so badly before.

"I..." Shouyou took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, "I'm so sorry, Atsumu-san. I'm so sorry."

Shouyou's face was so full of despair, regret and self-hatred, and so, _so_ sad that it felt like another blow to his throbbing heart.

"Can I ask you another question?" Atsumu choked out, hating himself. Shouyou nodded, unable to even speak.

"Is it... Tobio-kun?" He knew it was the last question Shouyou wanted to answer, but he needed to know. He was probably just a huge masochist.

Fresh tears welled up in Shouyou's eyes, and he nodded again, a small jerk of his head.

So this was what heartbreak felt like. A thousand emotions were raging within Atsumu, and he couldn't make head or tail of them. All he knew was that it hurt. It hurt a lot.

He dimly registered Shouyou's barely audible voice, through the buzzing in his ears, say, "I'm so sorry, Atsumu-san. I'm so sorry... I wanted this to work so badly."

Atsumu had wanted it too. But he'd had a feeling from the day he'd asked Shouyou out that it would probably end like this. End with his heart being broken.

Foresight didn't make it less agonizing, though.

"I really did like you, Atsumu-san. I really did. It's just..."

_I love him, and it's so painful._

Those unsaid words somehow echoed clearly in Atsumu's head, and he thought that they did have one more thing in common. Something that wasn't their love for volleyball, their persistence or their continuous yearning for perfection.

They were both hurting because the love they felt for someone else was too strong and profound.

He wished he could make both their torment stop, somehow. 

Shouyou's eyes were shining with tears, and Atsumu couldn't help but think, as he had countless times before, that he was beautiful. Sparkling. Dazzling. Beautiful, even when he was crying. He would always remain beautiful.

It was a strangely comforting thought, despite everything. Even if he could never kiss Shouyou again, or cuddle with him, or take him on dates again, there would still be a concrete, indisputable fact.

If nothing else, Shouyou would still be a golden being, flying high. He would still beam as he soared to meet Atsumu's perfect toss, looking like an avenging angel. That pure and unadulterated joy and pride of being entrusted the ball would never change, _hadn't_ changed since their very first match in high school.

Hinata Shouyou, the brightest person he'd ever known and would ever know, would still be Atsumu's wing spiker.

If he could still toss to him, everything would be okay. Even if it would take a lot of time.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a tiny smile, and he said to Shouyou, brushing away a stray tear that had unknowingly made its way down his face with his thumb, "I really liked you too, Shouyou-kun."

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a kudos or comment if you liked the fic; it'd make me really happy.  
feel free to follow me on [tumblr](https://thegoddamnhat.tumblr.com) for shitposts, reblogs, and possibly more writing.


End file.
